Good Morning, Sunshine!

Tommy

[Niki] Deux — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:04:31 +0000

Over the past few months, we’ve had the joy of making memories with Tommy – but the time has come for him to go back home to Arizona. We’ll miss having him close by, but are already planning a camping trip visit!

Safe travels, Tommy. We’re sad to see you go, but so glad to have gotten the chance to meet you – here’s to future adventures

Lovely Friday

[Niki] Deux — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:30:48 +0000

Learning to Pace

[Niki] Deux — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 02:13:36 +0000

This weekend I re-learned a valuable goal-setting lesson: take time for play.

It took me pausing for a few minutes today in order to think about why I was feeling so stressed out and realize I’ve been putting pressure on myself to get all of my action items for next week in place, and complete several time-consuming tasks – after working 6 days in a row & having no play time.

That’ll do it, I’m guessing – especially in this phase of accomplishing goals: the very vulnerable beginning.

[whoops]

So, this girl is now watching Hitch, drinking wine, letting go of the residual stress & reminding myself that it’s about constant progress – not sporadic bursts.

[Loving this song tonight.]

Happy 2012!

[Niki] Deux — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 03:31:24 +0000

One hour [just about] is how long it took me to hunt down the login info to this blog. A few days short of two years ago, I updated with new year’s wishes – unaware that the two years that would follow would be the hardest & most transforming of my young adult life.

Well – I made it!
Here’s to the two years that transformed me, the experiences that strengthened me…and the confidence that the future is sending back good wishes & waiting with open arms.

I don’t find a need to tack unnecessary meaning to a new year beginning, but I do see it as a time of reflection and assessment of current goals to ensure I’m making consistent progress toward them.

Goals aside, I feel overwhelmingly grateful. Life is good, and I am happy.

2011, thanks for the lessons that will make my future exponentially better.

Happy 2010!

[Niki] Deux — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:38:00 +0000

This is what my 2010 is about.

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something

Facing towards the heavens
I fell into a pitch black
I’m moments from landing and I’m shaking like a heart attack

Is there time, can I turn back
I’ve made mistakes in the past
Need a chance, can’t take it back
Wish I could set things right tonight

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life’s not about me

All I know spins out of control
Wonder what’s next for heart and soul
Nothing I earned can save me now
Here in what may be my final hour

Is there time, can I turn back
I’ve made mistakes in the past
Need a chance, can’t take it back
Wish I could set things right tonight

Live, I wanna live inspired
Die, I wanna die for something higher than myself
Live and die for anyone else
The more I live I see this life’s not about me

Don’t wanna leave this world knowing I breathed in vain
Looked out for myself, so sorry so ashamed
Don’t wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried
Chased all my dreams that I hid away on the inside

Live, I wanna live on fire
Die, I wanna burn out brighter
Brighter than the Northern lights
Wanna live to feel the daylight
The more I live I see that this life’s not about me.

Lips & Legs

[Niki] Deux — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 07:23:18 +0000

Rodarte for Target legwear & the BEST lipgloss ever [70% off at a Waldenbooks closing sale!].

So, I have this brother.

[Niki] Deux — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:22:05 +0000

… and he’s back in school, taking a class this Spring. He’s going to ace it & show the haters that the comeback kid is out to take names and kick butt. I’m proud of him, and I just felt like sharing.

That's him, on the right. Ignoring me as I act a fool. He's gotten good at that over the years...

Happy Thursday!

There’s a good quote in here somewhere…

[Niki] Deux — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 00:40:43 +0000

I had a goal in mind before leaving on the three-day cruise last week: I wanted to read one whole book. I feel like I’ve been on a slow descent to nothingness in terms of personal likes, things I like to do, etc. My life had been turning into a steady cycle of “wake up tired, go to class, go to work, come home at night, tired, try to study until late, sleep very little, repeat”. It was depressing, I’m not going to pretend any of that was working for me. The thing about cycles like that is that they remove all need to think, and when you don’t think much, you don’t think much about what’s missing and how you have not learned anything or read anything on your own time that didn’t involve an assignment or a work project. All of my life revolved around meeting the needs of professors and bosses, which left little time to think about how my life had turned into one of those cautionary tales on how a person can lose their spirit little by little–

then wake up one morning too sad to keep going and too tired to fight to get it back.

But let’s not get too depressed here, this is more about how I did meet my goal of reading that one book during the cruise, as well as how I managed to practically sleep through the entire cruise. Well, except for this one moment:

Yeah, and after that I went back to the cabin to sleep and read – which brings me to the point where I laughed so hard I thought I’d never catch my breath in time to read exactly what was causing my laughing fit to my very confused cabin-mate.

You’ll have to read Survivor [Chuck Palahniuk] yourself, but here’s the quote [I'm including extra text so that maybe you'll get a laugh out of it as well, as opposed to a gigantic "?!" and the impression that I'm a sadistic, homicidal nut]:

The perfume and hair spray were from spraying the roses, but I can’t tell her that.

“The other thing is he had chipped red nail polish on his fingernails”

It was red spray paint from me touching up the roses.

“And he’s a terrible dancer.”

Right now, me getting killed would be redundant.

“And his teeth are weird, not rotten, but crooked and little.”

You could stab a knife right through my heart and you’d be too late.

“And he has these gross little monkey hands.”

Right now, getting killed would be a breath of spring.

“That’s supposed to mean he has a little wiener d*ck.”

If Fertility keeps talking, my caseworker will have one less client in the morning.

“And he’s not obese,” Fertility says, “he’s not a whale, but he’s too fat for me.”

In case there’s a sniper outside, I open the blinds and stand my gross obese body in the window. Please, anybody with a rifle and a scope. Shoot me right here. Right in my big fat heart. Right in my little wiener.

“He’s not anything like you,” Fertility says.

Oh. I think she’d be surprised how much we’re alike.

And today, it’s back to the office! And to Outlook outages that prevented me from feeling any sense of completion. I’m taking Violet home with me tonight, I’m so glad I have a job I can do while I empty the fridge out of whatever rancid-smelling leftovers my roommate left in there to die a second death while she relaxes on a beach somewhere in Puerto Rico…

For the record, I’m not bitter – that was actually about how grateful I am for my job [note to self: work on correctly portraying gratefulness via written word, it will reduce the number of disclaimers per blog entry].

G’day!

Accordions + Amelie = <3

[Niki] Deux — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 03:33:11 +0000

FACT:

[Niki] Deux — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 01:18:58 +0000

I like cars, particularly from the 60′s – but which two cars would I squeal with glee upon receiving as a gift?

A VW bug or a Prius in a fun color.

(Though this Prius looks deceptively like a station wagon…)

After 7:30 AM tomorrow, I will be human again.

(I’ve come to terms with the mistakes and failures of the semester, now I just want to keep the lessons, implement some changes – and move on with my goals. Have you ever been in that spot? I long for the calm after the massive butt-wooping I’m getting in the morning).